Saturday, March 24, 2007 @ 4:43 AM
its 4.43am in the morning and here i am typing feverishly because i cant get to sleep. partly because i took a long and luxurious nap this afternoon when i got home from the meeting. felt fully charged when i woke up around 7pm.
been mopping around the house all the while, stuffing myself silly with ice-creams. i just realised that i polished off about 3/4 of the tub in one sitting, then i proceed on to cook a big packet of korean maggie mee for myself, had 3 or 4 slices of rustic walnut bread. gosh, they are so deliciously soft and fluffly. carefour do sell good baked breads.
judging by the way i eat and coupled with the erratic fluctuations of my running regimens, i can safely say that i am on the way to going up another size.
i have not been running regularly since i started my job. felt so dead-beat all the time not to add that i keep late nights. everything is taking its toll on my body. not to mention, i still have not lost my post-exam weight gain which is about 5kg?
i want my perfect size 8 body back!! even though size 8 is not the smallest size or the perfect size or the normal size for singaporean girls i see on the streets, at least that body of mine was more toned and shapely.
body image issues does occur to everyone, no matter how extreme on the other ends you may be or how perfect everyone thinks your body is.
for now, being the tallest and curviest among the female cousins in my family, i have always been called fat by my mum. i guess it affects me to a certain extent. which girl wouldn't want boobs like barrage balloons and a figure like a wasp? or the come-hither marilyn monroe hour glass figure. or moving to the present, jessica alba hourglass figure?
i do have body image issues. needing assurances from my cousins all the time that i am not too fat or big. but its kind of ironic because after a few minutes of their assurances, i would go on and be the cynical me saying that 'i dont have the typical singaporean girl figure blah blah blah'
i cant stand myself sometimes because truthfully speaking, i am not the easiest person to get along with. maybe some people who knows me may beg to differ, but as shakespears once said
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players."
i guess there are many different parts of me. the drama queen, the airhead, the quiet person, miss personality, miss fiery, miss talkative, miss noisy, miss shut up, miss shy, miss weird, miss funky, miss emo, blah blah blah. all in all, a potent mix of introvert-ness and extrovert-ness.
dont take me at face value. ha!
the ramblings of a sleepless girl