Friday, July 13, 2007 @ 9:43 AM
it has been quite some time since i came here, starbucks @plaza singapura.
i used to come here alone all the time last year, skipping classes on days where it ends early or when there are long breaks in between lessons. sitting by the window framed with those red gauzy curtains and some soft music playing in the background, surrounded by murmurs of voices around, creating some i dont know, some warm and romantic feelings. and letting my mind float away. in other words, going into my own world.
it's something out of books that i read where the authors description of how a character or a scene unfolds itself in a coffee cafe.
hmm.. i realised i miss this place.. there is something about just sitting by the full-length window and on a comfortable sofa and just watch the world go by me. to some it might be a waste of time where one can actually do something productive, but to me, i am just happy and contented with the way it is.
it doesnt take much to make me happy when i am relaxed like now, i guess? not sure about the people around me agree or not. heh, i will ask them. lala~
currently, i sort of eavesdropping on the conversation from the table across me. 3 people discussing something about contracts and clients or something. mainly business talk because big amounts of money are involved from what i have heard. hmm.. i want a future like that. sitting around and discussing about important stuff and how to actually solve or organise things. but i do understand that wanting its not enough, i need to work hard for it to get where i want to. so yeah, currently, judging from my dismay results, i aint going nowhere.
been thinking what am i going to do after i graduate from singapore poly with me clutching my engineering diploma. my mum did speak to me about actually doing a part time accountancy diploma while i am still studying right now. i did play with that thought around as my first choice was to be an accountant. but balancing work, cca and school was getting to me somehow as i wasnt getting enough sleep, so after the decision to stop work till the concert is over, i figured that i will get my engineering diploma over and done with first, and after that spend another 1 or 2 years doing another diploma/degree which is totally unrelated to engineering.
i have this weird tendency to want to do everything at the same time. its like pushing myself, seeing how much i can take before collapsing. i want to know everything and how it actually works. i have talked about this to an adult before. i was told that i am an idealist. too much of it idealising how i want it to be. my reply was that i just want to do things that i like to do. the retort was that do i want to do something that i like to do and earn peanuts for it, or do i want to just do something that allows me to earn more money. being me, i replied that i want the both of it. i want to find something that allows me to pursue my passion and at the same time earn money. i was told the chances of it was highly impossible. so the conversation go on blah blah blah .
this entry is more like a train of thoughts. i just typed whatever that comes to my mind. im not being emo. really. just getting it out of my system.
i like being in my own world. i try to snap out of it here and there. somehow the cocoon of one's own world is comforting at times where you have lots going on.
i dislike following rules. i would always question why why why must i do this or that or whatever that i am asked to do just for the sake of it. =.= i rather do something that i believe in or meaningful. i just like floating abit here and there, dodging and turning here and there. some may not like the way i do things, but yeah, i am not going to change just because of it. i dont believe in changing one self unless there is really a need to because one's really bad/rotten. changing oneself actually makes you lose your own identity. instead we should try to embrace each other shortcomings and be tolerant of it. (what am i going on about? =.=)
hmm.. i love to dress up. alot. but i seldom do so because i have not found the perfect item to match with anything. another weird streak in me. i like clean cut lines veering towards more classic compared to fashionable if im wearing something fitting. loose-flowing lines when im in a relaxed mode or a working mode. as much as i love shopping, i actually hate looking for clothes in a shop or boutique. i would prefer i have a catalog on hand, enabling me to visualise what i can come up with. i think this is termed as "lazy". thats why i would go around walking aimlessly with no idea what i want to buy until i see something i really like. and from that point, i would start to think how can i match it with my current wardrobe and whether is it practical enough for everyday use. ha, i remember when i was in primary school, i wanted to be a designer. one of the things i did was that i used to copy out designs of clothing from magazines. and then imagining the type of cloth i want to use with the accessories and how the cloth should fall. i still keep some of the drawings that i did when i was in sec 3. but somehow the only thing i drew were those of bridal wear or evening gowns. there is something about them that i like. it maybe its the elegance of it, enabling the wearer to instantly transformed into someone graceful or just accentuating the natural curves of a woman body.
ah, its 10.45am right now. still 15 more minutes to go before the motorola shop open for the day. sighs, my phone.... :( i love my V3 red alot. nvm if its not 3G or anything. its the colour that attracted me the most. and i only had it for less then 2 months... and kaboom, i dropped it again. this time was the worse. ha, i think it hurts more because i had paid for the phone for $160 and told myself that i would be careful with this phone, never letting it dropped into the toilet bowl again. but i forgot to remind myself that i should not let it dropped on the floor too. =.= crap. im praying hard that they are actually going to do something about my phone (preferably F.O.C haha!). im going to try my luck with the warrenty card today.
my mum was asking me about my results the other day. and i just told her i got 60 plus, which was true to a certain extent. i did score 60 plus for 2 modules. i just neglected to mention the fact that i failed the rest. she is already unhappy with the fact that i am spending lots of time with my cca practice where i could be actually studying. if i tell her that, she is so going to kill me and tell me to quit my cca, which i wont by the way. i just dont want her to worry about me so much. i know i maybe a bitch sometimes to her, but deep down i know that i do actually love her and i understand how much she worries for me and my future. she knows how the society is like after working for so many years and qualification matters alot. she once told me that the only thing that she can give me is an education. not money or anything because we dont come from a rich family. we only earn enough to get by.
nowadays i try to be as open as i can with her, letting her know where i am hanging out and who am i hanging out with. and i try to make it home for dinner when i dont have anything going on in school. my dad is also quite worried about me. i used to be a daddy's girl until i hit primary school. now when i look at him, i could see how much he has aged. he is no longer that young and instead of the thick black hair that he has, white hair are appearing. every sunday, i would wake up to the sight of him plucking out his white hair. sometimes i would help him too. he would constantly remind me not to do anything wrong and study hard, and not letting his effort go to waste. actually, i did disappoint him once when i demand that i want to stop piano. from young he has been bringing me to lessons at yamaha, which kind of explains why i was closer to him when i was young because he understands music the way i do. i actually admired him alot. picking up the piano and guitar all by himself. i have heard he used to play at campfires and serenade my mum. haha! anyway, he wanted me to learn piano as a backup plan if i turn out to be that type that cant do well in studies. at least i would have something to fall back on in the future. so.. yeah, somehow i regretted giving it up. i love music and playing the piano but yeah, im lazy to practice and dont like people to nag at me to do so. sighs. i have no one to blame except myself. i did consider wanting to go back and re-learn again but i think the financial burden on my parents is enough. i dont have to add on to it.
was chatting to wei de yesterday night. or rather almost everyday as he always have those interesting links from forum and would always pasted them and urge me to go take a look at it. he commentated that i have been thinking alot lately. getting more emo. =.= i am not getting emo..
hmm.. i guess i am more of doing a reflection of whats going on? either that or i am being narcissistic and enjoying going on and on about myself.
im ending off right now. been typing for close to an hour. =.=
but.. i like it. haha!
plans for the rest of the day:
1. getting down to the motorola shop
2. meeting up with group members for GEMs CA2 discussion, deadline is next week (i think)
3. going for math remedial ( help me... )
4. Voices practice (YAY!!! :D something i look forward to all the time, with all the people who has a passion for singing)
signing off,
the narcissistic me.